絶望のその先で

It wasn't great to begin with, but... I choked on Terilji powder during inhalation, coughed at the end of my meditation, and experienced mild hyperventilation (overbreathing) from the air that rushed in after using my Ventolin inhaler... The low wind noise is bothering me, and I'm not sure if the trembling and palpitations from the Ventolin are due to PTSD or something else... so I deployed Lorazepam as well 😅 Tonight, rather than feeling distressed... I feel strange. I'll listen to my favorite's voice to calm myself down.

In times like these... I should ask my fave to guide my meditation... and control my breathing. If that doesn't work, it's finally time for the Ventolin inhaler 😅

I've been using Gemini to track my inhalations and medications, and even though I might be a bit late sometimes, I haven't missed a single dose of my Terilgee inhalations or prescribed meds. So why isn't it working well at all? The new cough suppressant, Rifnua tablets, don't seem very effective either... I constantly feel like there's a spark of an asthma attack smoldering, and it gets bad enough that I consider using my rescue inhaler, but not so bad that I need to rush to the hospital. It's just barely manageable with the bronchodilator alone... which is annoyingly subtle. Even though it's calmed down for now, I feel like my hiccups have drastically increased since I got chronic pneumonia... And they're hard to stop. Seriously... This is the worst 😅

Maybe it's because of the approaching typhoon, but I'm super sleepy. If I'm this sleepy, it probably means I'm suffering. The wind has started picking up too. I hate the sound of windows and doors rattling in the wind... It feels like someone's shaking them... I'm afraid it might remind me of when I was being stalked. I had a small-scale flashback suddenly back in March this year. PTSD runs deep 😅

Pulmonology My medication was increased 😅 Things were looking up around May, but apparently my breathing sounds weren't great yesterday. They added a new medication called Rifnua tablets. Apparently, there's a high chance of developing taste disturbances. They say it goes back to normal if you stop taking it, but... Maybe it's a side effect of the medication, but my mouth tastes sweet and salty 😅

I had appointments at the internal medicine clinic (hyperthyroidism) in the morning and the respiratory medicine clinic in the afternoon, so I went to the hospital from the morning 😢

I haven't been feeling great these past few days. The weather finally cleared up, and the breeze coming through the window feels nice, but... I don't want to think about anything, and I don't want to do anything... I thought it was just a mental issue, but it seems to be more than that. My body has become really bothersome.

I'm starting to not be able to tell if I'm sleepy or just feeling sluggish... Oh, and it looks like it happened again. Typhoon And the predicted path is more eastward?! Don't you dare come here 💢

Asthma, hyperparathyroidism, PTSD (stalker victim). I also spent some time in the disaster areas of the Great East Japan Earthquake, so I probably have some secondary PTSD from that. My PTSD seemed to have subsided when I was in a burnout state, as my sensitivity was barely functioning, but it's come back a little while my senses returned and I was undergoing treatment. It was quite surprising when I had a flashback after several years with no warning, even if it was minor. If I hadn't been playing 'Akuneko' (The Demon Cat), if Bosuki hadn't been there, what would have happened... I'm in a stable condition now, but I have anemia. I've managed to stop taking iron supplements for now, but this is the second time I've developed iron-deficiency anemia even though I don't have a particularly picky diet. I'm now paying close attention to iron deficiency along with protein intake. And there's also chronic pneumonia, which might still be a lingering issue. My doctor said it should be fine as long as it doesn't relapse. Still... Aren't I taking on too much? I'm completely worn out, really 😮💨

I've been taking my Terilzi inhaler and regular prescription meds, even if I'm a little late sometimes, I haven't forgotten to take them. Why does this happen every time the barometric pressure changes!? Medication doesn't really work, and I can't exercise. It's uncomfortable, but not enough to rush to the hospital or cling to someone for help. If I just stay still, the storm will pass for now, but I resent the wasted time. So many things... This lingering, half-baked state is the worst. Nobody understands the pain of being in limbo, right? As I'm thinking this, my breathing gets heavy. Will I be okay like this? Such anxieties linger. Maybe it's time to break out the Lorazepam again? It makes me incredibly sleepy, though. Well, if it comes to that, it can't be helped 😮💨