Sigh, seriously...

I'm holding the left and center alone, fighting 2v1, and those two are getting wiped out by one person on the right, can't even beat the mini-bot? What's the point of living? Can't they just hold their breath for an hour? I'm blocking everything by myself, and they won't even come to help. I can't believe we're on the same team. Tsk. How am I supposed to take down the knife, Fanny, Fanny's turret, and the bots all by myself? Do I need to get like 50 kills and 0 deaths to win?