Is this my tragic fate?

My mom passed away when I was 5. My dad lost about 30 million won (around $25k USD) of our house value gambling in '86. After coming back from the military, I lost about 20 million won ($17k USD) I had saved, all because of the wrong woman, and ended up in debt. I couldn't even pursue my dream of becoming a police officer and have been working manual labor jobs for nearly 20 years. Being a defaulter is still my label. I want to die, but I don't have the guts. I'm just living foolishly, somehow. Let's live a proper life in the next one. Ah~~ life~~~~~ There seems to be no right answer in life.