Tough days keep coming

Everything piled up too much and I reached my breaking point, and finally exploded at work. I threw company property around without any warning and yelled, "I don't know anymore!! What should I do!!! Huh!!!! I don't know!!! What should I do!!!!" while banging on my desk. The people around must have been scared~ It's been a while since I yelled that loud~…… Needless to say, after I calmed down, I had a talk with my manager (). They told me I could blame the manager if anyone says anything in the evening, so I'll do that if anything comes up. Looking back, I've been avoiding my own emotions for a long time, but I finally realized that it wasn't anger, resignation, or forced cheerfulness, but simply that I was sad. I was sad that I was being ignored, yelled at, criticized, and had to listen to complaints, with absolutely no improvement in reality. Today, I think I'll eat some udon and get some warm sleep. You all take care of yourselves too ﾉｼ