Loving deeply but powerless

Even though we clearly know we love each other deeply, we can't turn back time... Saying the most hurtful words to force letting go, my heart is tearing apart in pain, wishing I could shower you with all my tenderness... Everything is beyond my control... That girl must be hurting so much yet always pretends like nothing's wrong. She, clearly has deep affection but has to act like she only cares about benefits... I clearly know and believe in you, the familiar you, the real you. She in my memories was truly gentle, understanding, smart, and mischievous. Every move she made was beautiful, so cute, with her own thoughts and opinions. I liked her occasional spoiled temper tantrums, She always kept her true feelings bottled up... swallowing her grievances... I've seen those truest sides of you... I was truly willing for you... You absolutely deserve all the good things in the world! I love your shy expressions, I love the silly, happy you. I love the little things you share, I fell completely in love with you, only to lose you completely... I'm sorry, I can only keep hating myself, forever indebted to you.