Even though it's National Day today, I don't care because I miss my dad

I was actually a bit angry at first. Because I felt like he was a good father, but he left without teaching me how to be a good dad. It wasn't until recently that I realized. Sometimes I'd do something and then snap back to reality and find that he seemed to do the same thing back then. And then I remembered that my grandpa also didn't teach him how to be one. Still, I feel like there's a difference between him and me... Thinking about it carefully, although he wasn't the best in many aspects, he was the most perfect in my heart. Suddenly, I feel so much pressure. Because I'm someone who can't even be a good boyfriend. Sometimes I still wonder, Can I really be as good as him? If I can't do it well, will he be disappointed in me?