不登校なんよ

This past April, I had a period where I couldn't sleep due to hyperventilation. I think it's a culmination of various things that have happened. But today, I want to write here about the one thing I can't forget and am suffering from the most. I suspect I wouldn't be understood if I told someone directly, so I'm writing it here. I'll write what I'm thinking now, so please excuse me if my writing is poor. I'm a student and also in the student council, so my days were fulfilling. However, around the beginning of April, suddenly when I tried to sleep, my heart would hurt and I'd have trouble breathing for several days. Still, I went to school without paying much mind to it. But one time, there was a club activity tournament. The night before, my heart hurt terribly, and it was so difficult I couldn't breathe, so I couldn't sleep at all and ended up missing the tournament. Then, when I went to school on Monday, my advisor told me, "If it's too hard, you can quit." I knew I had been going to club activities intermittently and causing trouble, and when they said that, I thought I could finally quit. But gradually, for some reason, those words started to sound like, "You're useless." That would flash back at night, and around that time, I started experiencing hyperventilation. I actually want to write more, but I'll stop here due to character limits.

Was there a specific trigger? Interpersonal relationships, academic issues, or just for no particular reason. In my son's case, due to his autism, the gap in studies compared to his peers became a reason, and he gradually stopped being able to attend school. He felt ashamed of being left behind while everyone else was progressing. Currently, at his own request, he attends for about 1-2 hours per week. There are various reasons for not attending school, and sometimes it's better to go, and sometimes it's not. Nowadays, we have convenient tools like online platforms, and it's common for students to have personal PCs, so why not try participating online? You can even just observe the class. Instead of thinking 'I have to go because I'm a student preparing for exams,' why not start by regaining the feeling of being at school while staying at home? You are still a child. Rely on adults.

It might be different for everyone... My daughter was truant through middle and high school. Unlike you, she was truant until just before her entrance exams. The more she thought about not going, the less she could go, and the more she rested, the harder it became to go. In our case, the teacher was very supportive, so once she decided to take the exam for this particular school herself, she gradually started attending and managed to pass just in time. Is the school you're applying to your desired school? My son was told by his teacher to aim for a school one rank lower than his desired school and took the exam. However, he dropped out after a year. I've written at length about my experience. I don't think it will be of any help, but I hope you can find something that motivates you. Depending on the region, some schools have counseling teachers, or there are facilities nearby that gather students who are truant and teach them. Since attendance days are important... maybe just for an hour today, or from lunchtime, or give yourself a reward when you can. It seems they feel frustrated because they don't understand their own feelings. I was afraid of my parents, and despite being bullied a little, I was encouraged by my friends and went to school for 3 years, or rather, I didn't have the courage to take a day off. Sorry for the long comment that might not be helpful.

About two months into my first year of middle school, a guy I barely knew, whom a close male friend introduced me to, confessed his feelings. I didn't like him and we didn't know each other well, but he confessed. I'm the type of person who can't easily say no, so I ended up dating him, but I just couldn't develop feelings for him. I became scared and started skipping school, taking a six-month break. Around November, when I finally went back to school after a long time, a friendly and cheerful girl I knew had quit. She was a really nice and funny person, but she was being bullied by a female friend I'd known since elementary school and some classmates. Even our kind homeroom teacher sided with the bullies. Honestly, everything felt so scary. I asked the female friend I'd known since elementary school, 'Is it true you were bullying [her name]?' She replied, '[Shrugs] Who knows lol' and then asked, '[When are you coming to school next? lol]'. I was so terrified that I might be targeted next, and I still haven't been able to go back to school, even now in my second year of middle school. I've thought about going back for high school and my future, but I'm hesitant and scared, wondering if I can truly trust anyone.