共感してとは言わない、とにかく愚痴りたい

Left my two kids behind and went out alone. Even though it was only about 3 hours, I ditched the childcare duties, But the moment I got home, It was 'Do this. Do that. Don't do that.' Just constant loud scolding. Seriously annoying.

Their season has come again... These mating bugs that swarmed Korea a few years ago!! They're increasing in Okinawa too, causing a huge nuisance 💢 The numbers have decreased, and I've only seen 2 pairs this year, but at one point there were about 50 pairs buzzing around my entrance... They fly around mating for life, so annoying (# ﾟДﾟ)

This frustration just keeps building up day by day…💔 What even is a discussion? I don't mean in a philosophical sense… isn't it supposed to be where everyone brings their opinions, like 'How about this?' or 'What about that?' But then, 'Since this is how it works, maybe this is better?' or 'What do you think, [Name]?' – isn't it about everyone present participating, not just a select few?? So why is it that every time a meeting is called, it just ends up with the usual small group getting hyped and that's it? It sort of drifts along, and then during the smoke break, it feels like the decision is just made amongst the smoking group in a sort of gossip session. Basically, it's only decided by the smoking group. If that's the case, then don't call us together from the start. If you don't intend to hear our opinions, then I'm not needed, right? Plus, I hate it because the conversation immediately goes in a different direction and they start talking about something else. In the end, it's not even about the main topic. Yet, we take up time with no results. No decisions are made. I just hate this loop where it ultimately gets decided in the smoke break meeting. What a drag.

It's more of a rant, but it's my fault for not checking the city hall's notices. Where does everyone get their information from!! This happened at the beginning of the month. I put out my plastic bottles for trash as usual... Originally, households that put out plastic bottles were few and far between, so I just thought maybe other households hadn't put theirs out yet? (In my area, we put trash out in front of our houses, so there's no designated collection point.) When I looked at it that night, it hadn't been collected. I wondered if it was because they weren't clean enough? I brought it back to my balcony, thinking, 'It's not there, but why?'... The following week, on the recycling day, there were a lot of plastic bottles in front of other people's houses... I checked the city hall's website and saw a notice that collection days would change starting in September... Wait, does everyone check the city hall's website every month?? Where do you hear about this stuff?? I went to city hall last month for welfare-related matters, but I didn't see any such notices?? If you live in an apartment, there might be notices in the common areas, but everyone else's information network is incredible 😅 I exchange greetings and light chat like 'It's hot' with my neighbors, but we're not close enough to talk about things like 'The trash day changed~'. Even among housewives, those who engage in gossip seem to be the strong ones...

But they're turning 30 soon. They definitely didn't go to school, but they did graduate high school through correspondence. It's stressful, right? But that's just part of their personality. It's natural that people around you don't understand. They don't know, and they're not in that position. I don't expect understanding. It took me a while to get to that point. I also have dissociative disorder, so when we clash, it's tough. But there's nothing to be done. I just have to let it pass. I just want to vent. It's true that venting out loud can make you feel better. It's essential for survival. You can't just keep bottling it up. I just want to vent. Exactly.

I'll participate! They ask for my opinion because I'm a specialist, but... Even if I give my opinion, I don't have any decision-making power anyway. Actually, even if I state my opinion as a specialist, someone else will say: "But you're doing 〇〇, right?" "Since you're doing 〇〇, isn't this other way better?" "It's impossible, right? Because you're 〇〇? It's meaningless, isn't it?" etc. They completely ignore my opinion and act like I never said anything, so what's the point of me giving my opinion? It makes me wonder. "What's your opinion? Your opinion?" "What's your take as a specialist?" They ask, but then it feels like my answer is meaningless. Do I even need to be there for that discussion? If they're just going to dismiss it as meaningless and proceed with the discussion among a select few under their own leadership, what's the point of asking for opinions in the first place?? Well, it was a stressful workplace incident. I just feel so-so... And apparently, there's another meeting tomorrow, so I have to participate in another pointless discussion... Is this some kind of training?? At this point.

I have a son in elementary school with autism/ADHD. He's struggling with his studies and is currently not attending school. For two years, I accompanied him, trying to get him to attend school, encouraging him when he cried about not being able to go, and staying with him only for the times he could manage. Today he went, he did great. But then he got a fever from stress, and the days he couldn't attend continued... Last year, he attended school for 30 days in total. My son tried his best. He's afraid of the toilet and still wears diapers at 10 years old... He loves animals and insects. If he sees friends fighting, he cries and stops them, saying they have to be friends... a gentle son... He's a picky eater, dislikes meat. He won't eat plain white rice without specific furikake, and he doesn't drink tea or water, but he loves soy milk and milk. I love my son dearly. But I worry daily that he won't be able to survive like this. People around me say I'm spoiling him and that I'm a bad parent... So I stopped confiding in friends about my worries and stopped complaining... My husband also blames me, and my mother is elderly and doesn't understand my son's current situation. Ah, what did I do wrong? I just love my son. I don't want people to say he's pitiful or feel sorry for him because he's like this... It's just a small complaint, like wanting to say 'Work is tiring~ Parenting is tiring~'.