Venting...

Living at home has its pros and cons, and I've always felt like I don't have personal privacy space. But I can't feel at ease about leaving my two elderly parents. Maybe it's my personality, or maybe because I'm the second child, some say my Cancer zodiac makes me family-oriented. The only time I left home was for 4 years of college. In my rebellious phase, I did and said many things that hurt my family, which makes me feel guilty now. I just want to be a normal person as everyone says, but sometimes it feels so difficult. I accidentally end up bothering others or my friends and family, which makes me feel ashamed. It feels like no matter what, I can't express myself and can only live quietly in this world. Lately, I've been having more and more thoughts that are neither positive nor negative. The busier I get with more things to do, the longer my idle time becomes. I don't feel like doing any extra leisure activities. Sometimes I watch dramas on my phone and just zone out, and I find myself affected by the storyline without realizing it. When I'm doing nothing and just lounging at home, I don't feel like I'm wasting time. I used to be anxious, but now I don't care anymore. I don't really care about many things now. Anyway, I still live my life well, but only when I'm alone. I just want to ignore everything, so that when there are things to do, I can immerse myself in them and then detach again.